Promiscuous. STD Carrier. HIV Infector. He wants it both ways.
The above best describe straight women’s stereotypes about bisexual men. When I fell in love with my best friend, I never suspected that he was sleeping with men. He was extremely “heteronormative”: masculine, educated, well spoken, and clean cut. He wasn’t flamboyant, didn’t walk with a switch. He did not fit the gay male stereotype.
I loved him. In fact, most of my friends would tell you that I worshiped the ground that he walked on. He was my partner in crime, my confidant, and my #1 fan. To this day, I still would say that our friendship was the best relationship of my life. Yet, when the question of taking our friendship to the next level came up, I cringed when he told me that he was bi. My thoughts began to shoot like fireworks:
“Wait,am I crazy? I swear we had a connection.”
“Were you just using me as your beard?”
“Do you even like women?”
All of these raw feelings, combined with my intellectual beliefs that sexuality is fluid, definitely threw me for a loop. As the heterosexual relationship is assumed to involve two strictly straight individuals, what are the expectations when partners are attracted to both sexes? Did these mixed-orientation relationships even exist? I didn’t have the answer, so I started talking to women all over the country asking if they had dated bisexual men. The responses that I got were surprising. While the typical story of the “deceived straight woman” definitely came up, there also were women that were completely comfortable with dating a man who was attracted to more than one sex.
I decided to take the conversation to the next level. As I reflected on my own experience, I realized that the dialogue could not stop at “he should have been up front with me.” Instead, I started to ask myself, “Had he been up front with me, would I still have fallen in love? And if not, why?” I know that bisexual men, just like straight men, are capable of cheating, spreading STDs, and transmitting the HIV virus. But they’re also capable of being monogamous, loving, and wonderful partners. Many women are single and looking for just that. So, what’s the mental hold up?
No one has looked into this issue within heterosexual relationships, so I’d like to start the discourse. Let’s talk about it! I want people to join me in this discussion. I’ve directed and produced an online documentary series on the issue entitled, “The Bi-deology Project.” The series will be released monthly and feature celebrity guests, bloggers, ordinary women, and sexuality experts all weighing in on the issue.
Check out The Bi-deology Project: Part One below
The Bi-deology Project is a compelling, exquisite documentary series that explores the experiences of self-identified straight women who have dated men who also engage in gay sex and dating. As the “heterosexual” relationship is assumed to involve two strictly heterosexual individuals, what becomes the expectation of partners who are attracted to both sexes? With the overly sensationalized media focus on the “down low” bisexual man and the assumed negative relationships involving heterosexual women and men who engage in bisexual activity, the cast of “The Bi-deology Project” will discuss the uniqueness of these mixed orientation relationships, both positive and negative, and what heterosexual women can learn from men who don’t have an exclusive straight sexual identity.
Learn more on the The Bi-deology Project Website
