Beyond Black & White’s first month analytics boast a cool 33,000 hits, hundreds of comments, and avid readers asking its founder for more. Christelyn Karazin, a veteran journalist and PR professional, claims to have one solution to the “Lonely, Single Black Woman” epidemic. What’s she talking? Single black women need to open up their dating options. Yes, interracial and intercultural dating may be the key to your locked love chest.
Clearly, this is not a water cooler conversation. In particular, black women’s historical relationship with white men include some horrific and degrading encounters, some of which continues to present day. Institutionalized racism, primarily perpetuated by white male dominance, presents daily obstacles for black women, so is it really plausible for us to consider marrying the Man?
I took some time to talk to Christelyn, who has happily been married to her white husband for over 8 years. Three bi-racial babies, a healthy marriage, and years of bliss later, Chris has decided to write a book on why black women should consider interracial and intercultural marriages.
Our interview was candid and, perhaps, humorously tugged on some of the issues black women have with interracial dating. At the very least, Chris’ book might be another missing piece of the map as we trudge through our journey to healthy relationships, loving marriages, intact families, and personal success.
Z&A: Why are interracial and intercultural relationships a viable option for black women? Should we really stop waiting for our Black Prince Charming?
Well, for the 2 million black women who outnumber black men, “viable” might not be the best adjective. Hmmm…let’s go with “vital,” “necessary,” or if we want to be REALLY dramatic, let’s go with “imperative.” If you are a marriage-minded black woman who seeks a traditional family, or a someone seeking a long-term partner, considering “rainbow men” should at least be on the table. If a woman wants to wait for her Black Prince Charming, she has every right to do that. There are black women who actually prefer black men, but there is no reason to pass on Red, Yellow, Brown or White Prince Charming, or your ovaries might shrivel into raisins while Black Prince Charming picks up Snow White.
Z&A: What do interracial and intercultural relationships have to offer black women that a black relationship might not?
We’re not suggesting that an interracial or intercultural relationship is any better for black women, but that is a viable option for black women when same race relationships are more difficult to find. Speaking for myself, when I began dating my husband, who had a decidedly different upbringing from mine, a whole world opened up to me. I was now exploring symphonies at the Hollywood Bowl, trips to the museum and got an education about German and Polish culture I had never before considered. Conversely, he learned about Juneteenth, the problematic issues of driving while black, why I maniacally search for shelter during a rainstorm, and why it was so important for my mother to see us jump the broom on our wedding day. There was something different and exciting in it for the both of us, and it’s important in any relationship to learn and grow and experience new things.
Z&A: With the history of slavery facilitating the rape of black women by white men, how do you think the past has influenced the majority of black women to state that interracial dating is not for them?
Unless the guy asking you for a date is 150 years old, the slavery issue is unfair to TODAY’S white man, and frankly, it’s cliche and oh so overdone.
Z&A: How did you meet your husband? And what do you attribute to your successful marriage?
I met my husband while in my senior year of college. I was goofing around online, taking a break from my thesis, and logged on to a Yahoo! chat room. My handle was BlkbeauT and he was SoCalGuy. He instant messaged me because “Black Beauty” is his favorite childhood movie. But after a few jokes and my OBVIOUSLY fabulous personality, he smuggled me into a private chat room for more serious conversation.
The most important thing about our marriage is our strong love and commitment to our family and to each other. We still have lots of fun together, we think alike and most times can still finish each other’s sentences…which can be kind of annoying. Regardless of race, it’s important in any relationship to not forget what attracted you to your mate, what stirred you, what touched your soul. That’s the stuff you need to keep in mind during those times you would otherwise want to kill him.
Z&A: What is it like raising bi-racial children? Have you and your husband chosen to raise them focusing primarily on their black identity?
While I know that it is often a knee-jerk assumption, particularly with children of black-white couples to question this, it’s absurd question. American society likes to put people into clear and concrete categories. It makes us feel better to know “what” we’re dealing with. But here again is a one of those remnants of slavery we have to get passed, that idea “one drop” of black blood automatically makes a person black. No one ever questions that children of Asian and white couples or Indian and Irish couples are somehow one or the other. My children are multiracial, not singularly black or white, but a beautiful swirl of tan.
Z&A: Looking at the average body image of black women, is it plausible to think that men outside the black race might appreciate the beauty of a full figured black woman?
The short answer is yes. But the point of that particular blog entry was to point out to black women that they can increase their chances exponentially if they like who they are on the inside – and out. Studies have shown that black women are happier with their size and shape than their white counterparts, which is a direct result of the preferences of African American men who like their women thicker. Men of other races prefer women who are smaller. Women looking for men outside of their race should be well aware that dropping a few pounds may increase the likelihood that “rainbow men” will take a second look. We are not advocating that women diet to some dangerously thin size and jeopardize their health. Considering black women continue to be disproportionately prone to life-threatening illnesses due to obesity issues, is a bigger concern.
Z&A: I’ve got to address the well-known rumor. From your research/experience, is there really a difference between the black male and non-black male “package” down there?
Wow, really…my research and experience??? Have you mistaken me for a porn star?
Z&A: *laughs* well, this interview is for the Sexuality section…
While I am no expert in the sizes of black-white male genitalia, I once dated a gorgeous black young man who played football, had a banging body and big ass feet! But let’s just say I’ve seen bigger tampons than what was going between his legs. I did want someone who had “ample” abilities to satisfy me, and my hubby does quite well in that regard. Call me shallow, but we’re talking a life commitment here!
Do you have any tips for picking up interracial and intercultural men? Where can we find the good ones?
For that, Z&A readers should really come to the blog for a taste of what’s to come in the book. We regularly provide tips on dating, flirting, understanding cultural nuances and much, much more. As a bonus, we try to make the information fun and funny. I believe you can deliver serious messages with humor, and sometimes it makes hearing the tough stuff a bit more palatable.
Z&A: Why do you recommend your upcoming book, The Black Woman’s Guide to Interracial and Intercultural Dating (working title), for black women?
Just look around! Seventy percent of black women are single, widowed, or have never been married. Three fourths of black children are being born out of wedlock. Black women want to be married or find a loving partner just as much as women of races or cultures but the challenges are definitely stacked against our sisters. This book is not trying to convince anyone to CONSIDER dating interracially, but it is the first true guide to help women AFTER they’ve made the decision to take the leap and be open to something new.
Check out the Beyond Black & White blog here and be sure to follow Chris on Twitter for more interracial and intercultural dating musings.
